Oh No, She's Drunk
by Zanmat0
Summary: What it says on the tin. Slight AU for context.
1. Instance 1

**This stemmed from one great scene in The Man From U.N.C.L.E (the movie). From there, it was just fun playing around with the idea of Naoto even being drunk in the first place. I haven't written a oneshot in a while, so here we are.**

 **Note: Slight AU for the sake of plot.**

 **Hope you enjoy my attempt at humor.**

* * *

"Hmf. Come with me, _she_ said. It'll be fun, _they_ said."

"I can't hear you, Souji-kun; you gotta speak up."

"Eh…"

Souji paused his train of thought as he recalled just how he had gotten into this situation, walking down the street in the dark with a certain detective latched onto his back, his arms securely under her legs to support her light weight. She was quiet since he left the bar, her statement being the first thing she said in about fifteen minutes.

" _You know, when Yosuke wanted to take us to a bar, I didn't think he was serious."_

" _What did you think he meant?"_

" _I dunno. An arcade? A restaurant?"_

" _It wouldn't be Yosuke-san if it wasn't something we wouldn't have ever expected."_

 _Souji sighed quietly from his seat at the bar, looking around the absurdly blue Velvet Room bar. Upon its opening he had received a call from Margaret proudly proclaiming her success at finding the perfect spot for the family bar. As soon as Yosuke had caught wind of it, he had planned behind Souji's back, ultimately springing his trap on the day of Souji's vacation. So here he was, sipping his water and hoping he wasn't pulled into another pseudo-drunken scenario. Naoto was sitting next to him, quietly browsing the menu of various drinks and snacks. Smiling at her, he joked, "Don't overdo it."_

" _Please, Souji-kun. I'm a detective, I don't drink."_

" _Good to know."_

" _Mm. I'm glad you agreed to come along. It would have been quite awkward without you here to diffuse potential situations."_

" _Sure thing. Just enjoy yourself."_

" _I'll be sure to. Make sure you do as well."_

 _Souji smiled again and nodded, taking a sip of water as he watched Yosuke wrestling with Kanji for the King's game sticks. If one could call it wrestling. What Souji saw was his partner being held with a hand on his forehead by a very exasperated Kanji, easily keeping himself out of the range of Yosuke's frantic grabs. He glanced to his right at Naoto, who was quietly sipping a drink he couldn't exactly identify while reading the newest in her favorite book series. She was right; why would she drink?_

 _It took about twenty minutes for that assumption to blow up in his face. "Hic."_

 _Uh-oh._

 _He slowly looked at Naoto, who was staring determinedly at her empty glass. To the untrained eye, she looked perfectly fine, but Souji saw the light flush of her cheeks and the occasional wobble in her seat as she looked up and him and smiled. "Naoto?"_

" _Hellooo."_

"… _Hi."_

 _This was starting to look more and more like a problem. He looked over to where the rest of his friends were, his gaze hardening into a glare as Yosuke gave him a dumb thumbs-up from where he was sprawled on the floor, the sticks for the game scattered around him. Chie looked like she was nursing him after his apparently humiliating loss to Kanji, as the 20-year-old artisan was downing a bottle of what Souji truly hoped was soda. Looking back to Naoto, he watched for a second as she squinted at her cup, pointing upwards as if she discovered something as she looked at Souji and smiled lopsidedly. "Souji-kun, this drink just might be- hic- alcoholic in its composition."_

 _He stared at her slack-jawed as she wobbled slightly in her seat, a self-satisfied smirk plastered on her face. "…Are you sure?"_

" _Yep!"_

"…Nothing, I was just-"

"Are you keeping secrets? I _love_ secrets."

"Do you now?"

"Yup. That's part of being a detective. Fiiiinding secrets."

"Well, that's good."

"…So, are you keeping secrets?"

"Uh…no?"

"You hesitated…why?"

"No reason."

"Mmm- I think you-"

"Naoto, do you have an apartment or a house nearby, or…?"

She chuckled slightly but followed his prompt, calling out in a sing-song tone, "No~pe. I took a taxi to your apartment and then I found you! Then-"

"I, er…I remember, I was there."

"…Yay! Congratulations, Souji-kun, you passed!"

"…Passed?"

"Yup. Want to know the prize?"

"Um…sure."

Naoto tugged at his shirt with her hands to lean a bit over his shoulder, pressing her lips to his cheek with an over-exaggerated "mwah" noise. Souji blushed fiercely, unable to do anything with his arms occupied with carrying Naoto. What came out of his mouth could be roughly translated to a combination of um's and uh's, followed by silence as Naoto laughed at his embarrassment. "You're so _cute_ when you blush. Does that sound familiar, Souji-kun?"

"…Yes."

"Hah!"

Souji renewed his grip as Naoto nuzzled against his back, taking a deep breath and focusing on making it to his apartment before his cheeks got any warmer. It took another ten minutes of enduring Naoto's slightly amusing babbling before he made it back to his apartment, lifting Naoto a bit higher and fishing his key out of his pocket. He let himself in as Naoto hopped out of his grasp, taking Souji's hand and leading him into his own home. "Welcome home, Senpai!"

"I told you not to call me that, Kouhai."

Naoto fell silent as she walked up to him, pouting at their difference in height as he stood up a little straighter. She leaned one way, then another, examining his reaction as he quietly watched her mysterious behavior. Swiftly, she reached into his pocket and snatched his phone, hopping to his speaker deck and plugging it in as he protested. "Hey, what are you-"

"Shh…wait."

She picked up the small remote lying next to the speaker, tossing it in the air and catching it easily before stopping and hitting a button. A slow song started playing, with guitars and piano working in tandem to create an enticing melody. Naoto closed her eyes and hummed along with the rhythm before taking Souji's hand again and pulling him closer. He smiled and followed her lead as Naoto lazily led him in what one may have once called a ballroom dance. Her eyes lit up as she sensed capture incoming, so she stepped back again as he tried to keep her still, holding a hand out to him and saying with only a slight slur, "Souji-kun, dance with me!"

"I've had enough of dancing for a good few more years."

Souji reached for her hand, but groaned softly as she bounced out of his range. Her tie twirled around her as she did, ultimately landing over her shoulder as she stopped with her arms out to balance. "Tada- hic."

"Naoto, I'll carry you to bed if I have to."

She raised an eyebrow at him and cocked her head teasingly, putting her hands behind her back and leaning forward a bit. Her tie fell off her shoulder and dangled like a pendulum from her occasional sway. "Ooh, that's so bold of you, Souji-kun!"

"Naoto, I'm serious."

Naoto stopped and regarded him with what he hoped was coherence from where she was standing, but any hope of salvation from the drunken detective was quickly shattered as she grinned slyly at him. "...So you don't wanna dance…but you do wanna _wrestle_."

"Wait, wha- oof!"

Souji was caught completely off-guard as Naoto pounced on him, sending them both hurtling to the floor. The poor guy couldn't help but roll around with her, doing his best to fend off her spirited play-fighting without hurting her. Her eyes flashed merrily as he pinned her, putting his hands on either side of her head and muttering, "Are you done yet?"

Naoto responded by hooking her leg around his side and pushing him off, content to prolong the mock match. Eventually, she pinned him down, pushing him back against the floor insistently as he tried to rise. His blew out a breath he didn't know he was holding as she grinned from the fun she was having. "Lookin' good, Souji-kun."

"W-what?"

Her expression turned into a pondering frown as she sat up, drumming her hands on his chest before coming to a conclusion based on the evidence presented to her. With the upmost honesty, she declared, "Hum. You have muscles."

"U-uh…I do run a lot…"

"And you have muscles!"

"I'm not exactly a hunk of muscle, Naoto."

"Oh! You're right."

"…Okay, now can you-"

"You're too cute to be a hunk of muscle!"

She smiled like the Cheshire Cat as he stared at her, a blush slowly intensifying until he felt like his face was on fire. His next words were hard to interpret, but Naoto was able to piece it together as a babble that sounded like, "Wh-wh-wh-whatareyoutalkingabouti'mnotcute-"

"Sou-kun, you're stuttering. A little bit. It's okay, though; I understood…most of it?"

Naoto whistled softly at the thoroughly flustered Souji's expression, a cross between bafflement and amused surprise at the new nickname. "S-…Sou-kun?"

She crossed her arms from where she sat and nodded judiciously, staring down at him regally as he watched her in awe. "Yes. You are Sou-kun."

"…Um…"

"Hic."

Souji watched in appalled silence as Naoto squinted slightly, leaning down and staring intently into his eyes. "Er…are you alright?"

She blinked at him, but he was shocked as he saw sharp clarity reflected in her eyes before they slipped shut and she pressed her lips gently against his. The contact ended as soon as it began, as Naoto sighed and relaxed on top of him, with him still trying to process what just happened. Soft snoring filled the air as he noted that Naoto abruptly fell asleep, with Souji still pinned underneath him. He glanced around quickly and thanked his luck that they were on a warm rug as opposed to a cold tile floor. He weighed his options as he noted that there wasn't an easy way out. Carefully reaching up to the couch they had fallen next to, he pulled the blanket draped over it onto the two of them, grabbing one of the throw pillows to put under his head. He then pulled the remote for the speaker out of the pocket she had tucked it into and shut off the music, tossing the device onto the cushions. Relaxing in the makeshift bed, he reached behind Naoto's head and gently eased the small black ribbon out of her hair. His fingers ran through her locks and easily straightened them out, leaving her long blue hair smoothed out along her back. She mumbled in her sleep and snuggled into him, prompting him to smile and wrap his arms around her waist. "Sweet dreams, Princess…I'm never letting you drink again."

Naoto hummed happily in her sleep as Souji closed his eyes and committed himself to doing the same.

* * *

 **I hope this wasn't appallingly bad…I haven't exactly written about drunk characters in my stories. Like, ever.**

 **Till next time, be seeing ya.**


	2. Instance 2

**I wanted to mess around with this some more.**

 **As you can expect, this is likely dripping with OOC. But maybe it isn't! Drunk Naoto is unpredictable.**

* * *

"Come on, Naoto-kun! One drink, I promise!"

"I-I don't think so, Rise-chan. The last time I drank, it...it was quite embarrassing."

Rise ignored the second part and pushed the weirdly tiny glass of weirdly pink alcohol towards her. The look in her eyes made it harder for Naoto to say no. "Stop that."

"Just one."

"Rise, I don't even like alcohol."

"I get the feeling you'd like this one. It's sweet! You like that kind of stuff, don't you?"

Naoto gave the drink another hesitant look before blushing and murmuring, "I shouldn't let you talk with Souji-kun about food…"

Rise grabbed her hands and held them tightly, giving her the most pleading look in her career. "One. Please?"

Naoto sighed and pried her hands from Rise's, picking up the glass and eying it carefully. "I...I suppose one can't hurt anyone…"

 **2 hours later.**

 _Pi-pi-pi-pi-pi…_

Souji opened his eyes slowly, turning over in the blankets and staring at the phone ringing on the bedside cabinet. He groaned and rolled onto his back, grabbing his phone as he moved and staring at the screen. "Huh."

 _Pi-pi-pi-_

"Naoto?"

" _Hi!"_

Souji pulled the phone from his ear for a second when his girlfriend's voice burst through the speakers, replacing it after her quick greeting. "Hey…"

" _How's it going?"_

"Not bad, can't complain...where are you?"

" _I went out with Rise-chan! We had drinks!"_

"...Oh."

" _Mhm! There was this one I tried- it was pink. Pink!"_

"Uh...hu-"

" _And I don't mean just plain pink- it was bubbly~."_

"Carbonated alcohol?"

" _Yeaaah...What are you doing?"_

"I was…" Souji paused to look over at his alarm clock. _1:07 AM_. "Taking a nap."

" _Naps are nice. Can I nap with you when I get home?"_

That was...direct. "Sure. When will you be home?"

...Were those footsteps he heard? There was no way footfalls could be that inconsistent...

"About that." _Tap-tap-tap._ "I'm home!"

He heard the call end, so he dropped his phone and slowly rose from the bed. He bent over to straighten out the sheets and fix Naoto's pillow before lazily brushing his hair back and heading to the door. As soon as he opened it he had an armful of drunk Naoto, who practically fell against him as he managed to say, "Good morning."

"Morning! Did you enjoy your nap?"

"It wasn't bad."

He hefted her up a bit to let her wrap her arms more securely around his waist, smiling softly when she looked up at him and beamed. "That's good. I did think it was a little weird that you were napping at one in the morning, though. That's just sleeping, isn't it?"

He tried not to smile when she giggled lightly, snuggling into his pajamas and humming a little tune. "...You're super warm."

"Well, I get that a lot."

She had the mind to look offended at that, pulling away but holding him at arm's length. Accusations of betrayal danced in her eyes as she carefully asked, "From who?"

He smiled and winked when he answered. "From you."

Normally, she would've blushed and complained that he was acting ridiculous again, but, alas, she was drunk. So she squealed and hugged him again, and she cooed cutely as she pressed her cheek into his shirt. "That's sooo sweet, Sou-kun!"

Inwardly, Souji was impressed with his handiwork. He meant every word of what he said, but he was learning how to deal with a drunken girlfriend. Apparently, cuddling and stroking her ego was one way to keep her happy. "Have fun without me this time?"

"Yeah." It then occurred to her that he might have been a bit bitter that he was left behind while she went out and had fun. Poor Souji. She raised her face from his chest and tilted her head with a small, apologetic smile. "Sorry."

"Nah, it's fine. As long as someone was there with you."

Souji let her nuzzle against him as carefully reached over to shut and lock the door. He wasn't sure just yet,but he didn't want to entertain the prospect that happy, drunk Naoto also liked to wander. Then again, she did come straight home...that was nice, at least. "How come you never drink?"

"Someone has to drive you home."

"We walked home last time. And I made it back myself!"

"And I'm so proud of you."

Naoto fell silent at that, humming to herself as Souji kissed her temple as a reward. "Are you tired?"

"Mm. Carry me?"

"Okay."

Souji leaned down to pick her up bridal-style, renewing his grip and making sure she was comfortable as she smiled and let out a deadpan, "Whee."

He checked the lock one more time before walking slowly to the bedroom, assuming that sudden movements would only make her dizzy. Meanwhile, Naoto told him more about her night. "Did you know that the local Chagall that opened doubles as a bar at night?"

 _Just like Shiroku?_

"Cool."

"I know, right?"

Souji leaned down to the bed and gently dropped Naoto onto the sheets. She seemed disappointed that the fun had ended quickly, but she didn't comment. "I'll give you some privacy to change."

"'Kay."

Souji offered her a smile and another kiss to the forehead before he let himself out. He leaned on the door and sighed, smiling to himself as he set an alarm to wake up early and buy some medicine for the impending hangover. _Water is good for this kind of thing, right…?_

"Done!"

Souji put a hand on the doorknob and waited for another second before heading back into the room. Naoto was sprawled out on her side of the bed, now clad in a plain black t-shirt and blue pajama pants. She looked over at him and grinned before sitting up against the headboard and stretching languidly. Souji looked away briefly until she relaxed. "Better?"

"Mhm."

She smiled as he planted a knee into the mattress and gently pushed his chest with her foot. His quizzical looked slowly turned into a coy smile, and he took her foot in his hand and nuzzled against her calf. The flirtatious look in her eye was not lost on him, and he leaned close enough for her breath to quicken before smirking. "You're drunk."

She visibly deflated at that, flopping back onto the bed with a huff. "And you're no fun."

He chuckled under his breath and sat on his side of the bed, fishing out his phone and going through the motions of checking his alarms and their times. He had just set it down on the bedside cabinet when Naoto ventured and said, "Souji?"

"Mm."

She tapped his back to get his full attention and raised her arms towards him when he looked at her. "You said you'd nap with me."

Souji scoffed and lazily rolled into the mattress, pulling her close and dragging the blanket over the both of them. He watched her blink sleepily at him, then carefully bumped the base of his fist against her forehead. Her reaction was a simple, irritable whine. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Nap time."

Souji wrinkled his nose when the slightly sweet smell of Naoto's booze breath hit him, a reaction that didn't go unnoticed by her. She seemed to focus for a moment and smiled sheepishly, turning so she was resting on her back and her voice drifted towards the ceiling. "I didn't say anything."

"Yep. But I could see it in your eeeyes."

She emphasized the drawn out word by grinning at him and making a silly hand motion. "Alright then...so how did Rise get you?"

"It was sweet."

"...That's it?"

"Yep. You shouldn't tell her things, Sou-kun. She targeted my weakness!"

She tried to sell the claim that Rise was a cunning tactician by sitting up and looking down at him with dazed, wide eyes; it was as if she didn't believe Rise could pull off such a devious maneuver. The best reaction he could muster was a raised eyebrow.

"Uh-huh."

"That meant she could make me drink one more!"

"And then you were dizzy?"

"Yep!" Naoto seemed impressed by his logic, giving him a thumbs up before flopping back into the mattress. "Then the two turned into three, and...et cetera, cetera-aah...c'est la vie."

"Life is getting drunk because of peer pressure?

"A little bit."

Souji smiled and closed his eyes again, going willingly when Naoto took his arm and straightened it out so she could rest her head on it. The contented sigh she breathed was enough to satisfy him. "...Did you walk home?"

"Hn? Yup."

That was...distressing. "What happened to Rise?"

"Kanji-kun showed up. I didn't wanna ruin their moment, so I decided to make my way home."

And that was just polite. "How far was the bar?"

"Mm...not far."

Souji considered pursuing more details, turning his head to ask her more. However, he paused at the smirk on her face when he did so. "What?" was his defensive question.

"You're worried."

"Well, yeah."

She smiled and snuggled closer to him, resting her cheek on his chest and draping an arm comfortably over his stomach. She playfully tangled her leg with his as she murmured, "You should come with me next time."

"Next time?"

"Mhm. You can try the pink drink."

"I...think I'll pass."

"Aw...what kind of drink do you like?"

"Water." She gave him a look. "...Soda?"

"I'll figure something out, then."

"I'm sure you will."

He reached over and shut off the bedside lamp, using his other hand to fondly brush Naoto's hair. She sighed and nuzzled into him, having finally burned through her drunken energy. He kissed her head for the last time before committing himself to sleeping again.

 **Six hours later.**

Souji smiled brighter than the rising sun as he wandered into the bedroom, aspirin in his back pocket and a glass of water in his hand. Naoto looked up at him and blinked blearily from where she was sitting. "Morning."

"Ugh…"

He sat on the bed and offered her the medicine, handing her the water as she fumbled with the packet inside. As soon as she finished the drink, she gave a sad, almost adorable little moan and rubbed her temples. Souji gave her a sympathetic look and carefully gathered her in his arms, resting her head on his chest and grooming her hair the same way he did a few hours ago. "You'll be fine. We can stay here as long as you need."

"If Rise-chan invites me out, tell her no."

Her voice was still slurred by sleep and her hangover, but he understood enough. "I'll go with you next time. Okay?"

"Mmkay."

* * *

 **Aaah, this was fun. Drunk Nao is fun.**


	3. Instance 3

**Leafy, buddy, you gave me an idea!**

* * *

"Did we really have to come all this way for a night on the town…?"

"It's a popular bar, Senpai! Besides, my rehearsal studio is pretty close by. It was convenient."

Souji drummed his fingers on the table as he quietly watched Naoto down her first drink of the night. By then, she didn't even need Rise's urging for number one. It was the second and third one that took some real coaxing, now that she had embarrassed herself in front of Souji twice now. Not that Souji minded...much. "I hope you haven't been making a habit out of this."

"It's sort of relaxing when you keep it under control."

"Mm."

Rise grinned at him from the other side of the table and pushed a glass of...something his way. He raised an eyebrow at her as she raised her own glass and urged him to follow. "Is this…?"

"It's just soda."

"..."

"C'mon. Trust me?"

He wordlessly picked up the glass and bumped it against Rise's, taking a sip and putting it down. Even if it was soda, he was on alert tonight. If Naoto got drunk again, and by this time it was weirdly likely, he would have to maintain some semblance of clarity for the night. Kanji seemed much less reserved about the whole deal, happily sewing what looked like a mini-Teddie with astoundingly steady hands despite the two empty glasses sitting next to him. "Kanji?"

"Hm? Oh, hey Senpai."

Souji smiled in greeting, gesturing to the little project. "Is it a gift?"

"Yep. Dojima-san wanted a special gift for Nanako-chan's recital."

"Oh. That's nice of you."

"I guess so. Did you get her something, too?"

"Yeah. It's wrapped and ready to mail."

Souji absently took another glass and sipped from it, blinking and holding it in front of his eyes as he tasted it. "What the…"

He heard Naoto snickering from next to him, so he gave her a confused look as she finished the glass of soda in her hand.

Wait…

"Did you switch our drinks?"

"Maybe."

She sighed blissfully and rested her head on his shoulder, humming victoriously to herself as Souji groaned inwardly. He eyed the glass again and decided (albeit badly) to finish it. When Naoto heard him put the glass down, she inspected it and beamed at him. This behavior was strange, and it bothered him just a little bit. "Are you drunk already-"

He spied the two empty glasses that somehow joined her first one. Exasperation crept into his voice as he muttered, "It's been like ten minutes..."

"There's no time like the present."

Her voice was almost a pleasurable purr, and while she was definitely more openly cheery than normal, she wasn't quite bouncing off the walls. This seemed like a good enough middle ground. "A-...alright, then…"

A handsome waiter strode up to the table, a platter of four more drinks and a tray of various peanuts balanced elegantly on his arm. He smiled patiently and ducked his head, his tone a welcoming sound to the four guests. "Would you like another round of drinks?"

"I-"

"Sure!"

Souji sighed and accepted the drink, handing Naoto hers after she gave him a dirty look. Kanji downed his without hesitation and eyed the peanuts as Rise took a healthy draft of hers. Souji passed a discreet tip to the waiter before he walked away, smiling as the latter bowed graciously. He swirled the fresh alcohol in his glass and watched as Naoto indulged once again.

As he drank, Souji sighed, a pleasurable buzz inhabiting his thoughts as he placed the glass back on the table. The look in his eyes grew distant as he watched Rise grin dazedly at Kanji, who was managing to munch on some cashews while still maintaining perfect focus.

[ - ]

Izanagi spun once in the chair he was sitting in and sighed. "I guess this is happening…"

Little did he know, Magatsu Izanagi was peeking in the doorway, chuckling evilly to himself as Izanagi watched the night unfold.

[ - ]

 _This isn't good…_

Souji blinked and bit into an almond, glancing at Naoto as she waved the waiter over and asked for cocktail umbrella. When she received it, she bit into the stick and spun it, looking over and Souji and blushing. "Sorry."

"No, you're fine."

Naoto smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek, and the small gesture seemed to put Souji on alert even more than usual. He coughed and scratched his head, looking over at Rise and Kanji. Despite urging Naoto to drink, she seemed much less capable of holding her liquor. She was leaning on Kanji's shoulder and giggling about nothing in particular as the artisan worked. His only reaction was to take another drink and wrap his arm around her shoulder before refocusing on work. Rise seemed cheered by the contact, hugging his arm and cooing as she tried to touch the Teddie. Kanji simply bumped his head to hers (as his hands were occupied), and continued working. Souji blinked and snuck his arm around Naoto's shoulders, pulling her close as she squeaked in surprise. When she settled into his chest, however, she giggled softly and snuggled closer. "Are you okay?"

"Mhm!"

Souji smiled and held her closer, content to let himself relax in good company. Maybe this wasn't so bad, at least when he kept a handle on the situation.

[ - ]

"Magatsu, what are you doing?!"

"You're doing it wrong!"

Magatsu elbowed Izanagi out of the chair and shouted, "Drink more, it gives me POWER!"

Izanagi stomped the offender, but he was too late. Souji was drinking again.

[ - ]

Naoto seemed to have deduced why Souji was having such changes in behavior. A mischievous smirk found its way onto her face as she nudged a glass towards him with her knuckle. "Hehe. Here."

Souji stared at the liquid swirling in the glass and downed it, muttering, "You're just trying to get me drunk…"

"Mhm. I wanna see what kind of drunk you are."

She shifted closer to his ear, her voice a sultry whisper that shook Souji to his core. "Show me."

He shuddered and tried to pull her away from kissing his neck, already unsettled by the less reserved part of his mind fighting for control. She managed to brush her lips against his jaw before he got her off, hugging her close to keep her from trying the stunt again. He couldn't stop himself from letting his hand drift from her shoulder to her hip, silently cursing but relishing the feel of her in his palm. He took a deep breath and let it go when he felt some clarity return to his mind. This was good. He was still in control of the situation.

[ - ]

"This is going well. For now, at least..."

Izanagi sat back in his seat and nodded in satisfaction. Little did he know, Magatsu was barreling towards him with an armored fist at the ready. He was sent flying, and his red counterpart gloated at the distance he gained off one punch. "Says you."

He sat backwards in the chair and grabbed the mic to relay his own instructions to Souji. "You're good and drunk. Now _kiss her_."

"What?! No!"

Magatsu held Izanagi at arms length as he laughed maniacally, booting him back out of the room as Souji looked down at Naoto. She was happily downing another shot when she noticed that he was staring at her. A small smile found her face as she nestled closer and tilted her head up, eyes narrowing just enough to shine invitingly. Souji's eyes gleamed with something flirtatious as he leaned down and captured her lips, smoothly tilting his head as she drew closer to him and knotted her hands in his shirt. "Oh, you idiot!"

"What? She likes it."

"She's drunk!"

"And she's _hot_. Have you seen her today?"

Izanagi looked again when Souji pulled away for a moment. Naoto was dressed casually for the night, a neat, light red dress shirt complimented nicely by black slacks. Her hair was tied into a lazy ponytail, something Souji liked and noted whenever she did so. As such, Izanagi found that his counterpart had made a good point. The blush and dazed look in her eyes was most certainly _not_ helping. "Well, that doesn't mean we should take advantage…"

[ - ]

The waiter came by again, cheerily dropping off another round for the guests and bowing as he left. Naoto and Souji downed theirs in unison, furthering Souji's descent into drunkenness. Naoto tugged his shirt for attention and pulled him down for another kiss. He fought to stay in control when she snuggled against him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

[ - ]

"Souji, bail! This is how they get you!"

"SCREW THAT!"

Magatsu sent Izanagi flying with a punch to the face. Flopping into the chair, he spun in it once dramatically and slammed his hands on the control panel. "HEY! This is your brain! Stop being such a wuss and kiss her like a man, dammit!"

Naoto's eyes snapped open when she felt Souji's hand slide down her arm, coming to rest on her hip as he possessively pulled her closer. The kiss grew warmer, more heady as he leaned over her, her eyes fluttering shut as she moaned softly and drew close. Souji used his other hand to run his fingers through her hair, coming to rest on the small of her back as she pushed him against the wall of the booth they were sitting in.

Magatsu leaned back in the chair and folded his arms behind his head. "I am a genius."

"You're an idiot."

When Souji finally pulled away, Naoto marvelled at the glint in his eye as she struggled to pull in a deep breath.

"You dizzied the poor thing!" Punch. "Okayy...get her some water."

"NO!" Magatsu dropkicked Izanagi out of the room and failed to stick the landing in the control chair. Hastily balancing himself, he shouted, "MORE BOOZE!"

Izanagi stumbled back into the room and slammed Magatsu's face against the table, leaning down to growl, "What are you doing?!"

"GREASING THE WHEELS!"

"And why are you yelling?"

"LOOK AT ME." Magatsu gestured wildly to himself and made a show of wiping some of the red ooze of his coat and flicking it at Izanagi. "I NEED NOT USE AN INDOOR VOICE."

"Well, belay that order! Souji-" He paused, gaping at the view of Souji and Naoto clinking their glasses together and downing the fresh alcohol. "Dammit."

"Did you really just say 'belay that order'?...Nerd."

Izanagi threw Magatsu out of the chair, sitting down and cracking his knuckles. "Okay...how to salvage this…"

"AN OPENING!"

Izanagi's fist collided with Magatsu's face as the latter leapt above the chair, sending the blood-red Persona flying back again. A loud smash sounded out, but Izanagi ignored it in favor of quietly imploring Souji to order some water. "You broke my COMBAT STILETTOS!"

"What a shame."

"THEY COMPLETED THE LOOK, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!"

Izanagi sighed and focused on salvaging the night before Souji did something stupid. "Er...maybe we should just go home."

[ - ]

Souji echoed the Persona's words and blinked until his vision refocused. Naoto gave him a questioning look from where she was resting on his lap. They had managed to sort themselves out after the kiss before Kanji finished the peanuts tray. Rise was vying for his attention as he tucked away his knitting supplies, observing the finished Teddie plush with the utmost care. Souji managed to notice that there was a vein of anger pulsing on his temple, but his friend was doing a remarkable job of keeping his cool.

The waiter walked by again, wearing that smile that was slowly starting to get on Souji's drunken nerves. "Another round?"

Before Rise could say anything, Souji raised his hand and put his other over one of the empty glasses. "N-no thanks. Would you mind bringing me the bill?"

"Of course, sir."

As soon as the waiter left, Souji dragged his hand down his face as Naoto hugged him and pressed her face into his stomach. "You okay, Senpai?"

He looked up and managed a tired smile for Kanji, the slur evident in both their voices. "Fine. Was just thinkin' of bringing this one home."

He petted Naoto and felt his heart flutter at the way she smiled and closed her eyes. "Prob'ly a good idea...this 'un's pretty crazy when she starts singin'."

Souji accepted the bill and fished out some money from his wallet, barely surprised by how much it all cost. The peanuts were a little ridiculous, though.

Kanji slung his supply bag over his shoulder and checked the Teddie doll one more time before pocketing it in his coat. "Waaaait, we didn't even play King's game!"

"Yeah, no. C'mon, drunkie."

"I told you not to call me that, Moronji!"

"Uh-huh."

Once he found Rise was comfortable on his back, Kanji nodded amicably to Souji as the silverette rested his head back on the seat of the booth. As his friend left, Souji sighed and tickled Naoto's side. She squealed softly and pushed against his chest before looking up at him with tired, happy eyes. "We're heading home."

"Goodie."

"Mm."

Souji let Naoto slide onto his lap so he could move out of the booth, straightening his clothes before offering a hand to his girlfriend. However, she gazed at him and shook her head. "Let's go?"

"Uh-uh."

"What now?"

"You have to be romantic."

"I'm always romantic."

"Show me your moves, then."

Souji sighed, and felt his restraint slip for a moment. Planting his feet firmly in on the clean tile floor, he held his arms just above his sides and nodded firmly. "Now, JUMP. INTO MY MANLY CHEST."

[ - ]

"The hell did you just say?!"

Izanagi stomped on Magatsu one more time to accentuate his question, leaning down to growl menacingly. "You idiot, we have a reputation to hold up!"

"Rep doesn't matter when you have broken COMBAT STILETTOS, IZANAGI."

Magatsu squirmed and failed to gain any ground as Izanagi stomped on him again. "Dammit, just go home…"

The poor Persona cradled his head in his hands and muttered, "We're never drinking again."

[ - ]

As Souji walked out of the Stray Sheep with Naoto nestled comfortably in his arms, one of the men sitting at the bar sighed, looking over at the woman accompanying him and shrugging. "There are definitely some characters out there, huh Kath?

The woman fixed her spectacles and took a sip of the cocktail she had ordered, smiling appreciatively at the white-suited man tending the bar as always. "I guess so. When do you want to head home?"

The man shrugged again, adjusting his jacket and looking at his watch. "Whenever. Just let me know."

"Could always just never come back, Vince."

Vincent chuckled to himself and polished off his drink, smiling at his wife for a second before declaring, "Thanks, Boss."

"Glad to make you feel welcome."

* * *

 **This got...pretty wacky when I was writing it. Hope it was worth the read.**

 **Thanks! Till next time.**


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